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Tuesday, September 30, 2003

October 1st:
Article: Mournful Irish Flute Used In Documentary About Loss Of Senior Lounge
Headline: 85 Percent Of Public Believes Bush's Approval Rating Fell In Last Month
Headline: Plan To Live In Storage Facility Voiced
Headline: Satan Depressed All Weekend After Man Opts Out Of Casino Trip
WDYT answer: top-right
Infographic answer: 2nd-to-last

Tuesday, September 23, 2003

September 24th:
Article: U.S. Government To Discontinue Long-Term, Low-Yield Investment In Nation's Youth
Op-ed Headline: I Assume My Reputation For Arrogant Presumption Precedes Me
WDYT answer: top-right

Wednesday, September 17, 2003

September 17th:
WDYT answers: top-left, middle-left, and bottom-right
Infograph answer: middle in list

Tuesday, September 09, 2003

September 10:
Op-ed: 'Well Well Well--If It Isn't A Small Family Retailer' by Wal-Mart
Headline: New Desk Chair A Boring Dream Come True

Monday, September 08, 2003

Hey. After writing freelance headlines for The Onion for the last four or five years, I got hired full-time at the beginning of this summer. Here are the headlines I've gotten printed so far:

May 8th:
Last Freelance Headline: Stripper Failing School She's Working Herself Through

[Hired June 1st, 2003]

June 12th:
Headline: Graduation Party More Lucrative Than Planned Future Career

June 19th:
Nothing.

June 26th:
Best-of issue; no new content.

July 3rd:
Article: Bowling-Alley Owner Wants TV Ad To Look 'More Matrix-y'
Op-ed: 'I Can Beat The Price You're Paying For Sperm'
Headline: Security Guard Makes Passing Women Feel Unsafe

July 10th:
Headline: Short Film Drags On
Headline: Shape Magazine Declares July 'Let Yourself Go' Month

July 17th:
Nothing.

July 24th:
Article: Man Going To Taco Bell 'With Or Without You'
Op-ed: 'In Sex Sales, What You're Really Selling Is Yourself'

July 31st:
Nothing.

August 7th:
Headline: Vice President Of Making Your Job Harder Given Raise

August 14th:
Article: Confused Americans Seek Steady No. 1 At Box Office
Article: Rise In Teen Sexual Activity Comes As Surprise To Area Teen

August 21st:
Article: U.N. Factoid-Finding Mission Discovers Liberia About The Size of Tennessee
Article/Headline: Precocious 6-Year-Old Claims Berenstain Bears Book Changed Her Life
Headline: Heroic Pants Enter 19th Day Of Continuous Duty
Headline: Bush Diagnosed With Attention-To-Deficit Disorder

August 28th:
Article: Horrified Teen Stumbles Upon Divorced Mom's Personal Ad
Op-ed: 'Perhaps I've Been A Little Too Tough On Crime'

September 4th:
Nothing.

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