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Wednesday, December 21, 2005

December 21st:
Article: Rove Implicated In Santa Identity Leak

December 14th:
Nothing.

December 7th:
Article: Voice Of God Revealed To Be Cheney On Intercom
Headline: More Americans Falling For 'Get Rich Slowly Over A Lifetime Of Hard Work' Schemes

November 30th:
Headline: RIAA Bans Telling Friends About Songs

Novemer 23rd:
Headline: Topeka Mayor Now Highest-Ranking Non-Indicted Republican Official

November 16th:
Nothing.

November 9th:
Headline: Bird Arthritis Epidemic Largely Ignored

Sunday, November 06, 2005

November 2nd:
Article: Bush Orders Mass Bald Eagle Slaughter To Stop Spread Of Bird Flu
Headline: 'Scooter' Libby Wishes He'd Ditched Nickname Before Media Coverage

October 26th:
Nada.

Friday, October 21, 2005

October 19th:
Headline: New Orleans Struck By Meteorite
Weekender Headline: "They Tried To Teach My Baby Science"

October 12th:
Article: Bush To Appoint Someone To Be In Charge Of Country
Op-Ed Headline: Oh My God, I Am So Drunk On Power Right Now
(I think that's mine)
Headline: Cat Likes It Doggy Style

Sunday, October 09, 2005

October 5th:
Headline: Cosmopolitan Releases 40-Year Compendium: 812,683 Ways To Please Your Man
Photo: Frat boy in jump photo for Bob Marley Rises From Grave To Free Frat Boys From Bonds Of Oppression

Friday, September 30, 2005

September 28th:
American Voices: Tom DeLay Steps Down
"My prayers are with the poor, leaderless House Republican majority tonight."

September 21st:
Headline: Bush Braces As Cindy Sheehan's Other Son Drowns In New Orleans
Headline: Reporters Comb New Orleans For Heartwarming Story

September 14th:
Nuthin'.

September 7th:
Headline: Nation's Politicians Applaud Great Job They're Doing
Headline: Bush: 'It Has Been Brought To My Attention That There Was Recently A Bad Storm'
Headline: Bush Urges Victims To Gnaw On Bootstraps For Sustenance
American Voices: Death Of The Chief Justice:
"My heart would go out to his family and friends if it weren't already out to 100,000 Southerners."
Onion Magazine Headline:Failing: Is This Your Year?
Onion Magazine Headline:Internships: Pointless or Meaningless?

Thursday, September 01, 2005

August 31st:
Headline: Google Announces Plans To Destroy All Information It Can't Index
Headline: Botanists Making Great Strides In Stem Research
Months-long project: Web site redesign

August 24th:
Op-Ed: "Man, The Terrorists Win At Everything"
Op-Ed Headline: "Shakespeare Was, Like, The Ultimate Rapper"

August 17th:
Headline: New Pepsi Negative-220 Burns Twice The Calories It Contains
WDYT answer: top-left

August 10th:
Headline (I think): Greenspan Lowers Dew Point
WDYT answer: top-left

August 3rd:
Statshot answer: "Pre-production, production"

July 27th:
Headline: UN Quietly Pushed Into East River
WDYT answer: top-left

Saturday, July 23, 2005

July 20th:
Headline (I think): Alcoholic-Beverage-Consumer Confidence Skyrockets
Op-ed headline: I'm A Fucked-Up-Chick Magnet
WDYT answer: middle-right
Infographic answer: 3rd-from-bottom
Stashot answers: "Uptight intersection ahead—CA" and "Never, Under Any Circumstances, Yield—TX"

July 13th:
On strike, but one of my previous reports was highlighted:
Headline: Shape Magazine Declares July 'Let Yourself Go' Month

July 6th:
Was on strike, and none of my previous reporting was highlighted.

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

June 29th:
Headline: New Us Quarterly To Explore Celebrity Issues In More Depth
Headline: Fifth Baby Barely Showered
WDYT answers: top-left, top-right
Infographic answers: top, 2nd-from-top

June 22nd, 2056:
Headline (I think) + Article: Democratic Middle Eastern Union Votes To Invade U.S.
Headline: 117-Aerocar Pileup Clogs Troposphere For Hours
Headline: 47th Amendment Grants iPods Suffrage
Word: Asciinglish

Monday, June 13, 2005

June 15th:
Headline: Politician Awkwardly Works The Bathroom
Headline: Everything That Can Go Wrong Listed
WDYT answer: middle-right
Infographic answers: top, 3rd-from-top

Saturday, June 11, 2005

June 8th:
Article: Special Olympics Investigated For Use Of Performance-Enhancing Hugs (with help from Amie, Rich)
Headline: PETA Complains As Revised SAT Tested On Chimpanzees
Headline: Congress Relieved To Admit It's Not Going To Accomplish Anything This Year
Headline: Evian Flu Causes Panic In Bottled-Water Industry
WDYT answers: top-left, middle-left

June 1st:
Headline: Bob Dylan's Original Surname Uncovered By 17-Year-Old (I think)
WDYT answers: top-right, middle-left
Infographic answers: 3rd-from-top, 4th-from-bottom
Hosting A Barbecue tip: "For optimal flavor, raise your own animals, make your own charcoal, and distill your own vinegar. For passable flavor, head on down to Smokey's Ribs & Things out by the airport"

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

May 25th:
Headline + Article: National Advertising Board Launches 'Advertising: Get The Message!' Campaign
Headline: Palmolive Attacks Dawn For Coddling Grease
WDYT answers: top-right, bottom-left

Thursday, May 19, 2005

May 18th:
Headline + Article (with Amie): Principal Hates Underachievers, Overachievers
Headline: Jews, Muslims, Hindus Agree On Chicken
Op-Ed (with Amie): "A Gentleman Never Discloses Who Sucked Him Off"
WDYT answer: middle-left
Fake Harvard ad (with Ben Wikler)

May 11th:
Nothing.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

May 4th:
Headline: Actual Expert Too Boring For TV
Headline: Democratic Senator Strides Down Corridors Of Powerlessness
Headline: Bachelorette Party Saved By Actual Firemen
(from Sam Means idea)
Headline: Man With Dream To Open Liquor Store Achieves Dream
WDYT answer: middle-right
Infographic answers: 2nd-from-bottom, 2nd-from-top
Statshot answer: "Our ideal selves"

April 27th:
WDYT answer: middle-right
Infographic answer: middle

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

April 20th:
Infographic answer: 4th-from-top
Statshot answer: "Losing virginity in October 1894"

April 13th:
Headline: Pope John Paul II, Longtime Owner Of Popemobile, Dead At 84
WDYT answer: top-right
Infographic answers: top, 4th-from-bottom
Preparing A Living Will tips: "It's important to have a lawyer present when you draft a living will, as it makes the desire to be dead that much more tangible." and "Don't underestimate how quickly your family, including your beloved wife and two cherubic children, will tire of the burden you will become."

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

April 6th:
WDYT answer: top-left
Infographic answer: 2nd-from-bottom

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

March 30th:
Headline and Article: Bush Launches Preemptive Attack On Social Security
Headline and Op-ed: "You Won't Believe This, But I'm Actually On A Crowded Elevator Right Now"
Headline: American Torturing Jobs Increasingly Outsourced
Infographic answers: 2nd-from-top, middle, 2nd-from-bottom
Statshot answer: "If legend is to be believed, delivered a rousing stump speech"
Being A Considerate Houseguest tips: 1. "Cooking a meal for your host is a nice gesture, but ordering a pizza and offering to chip in for your part is way easier." 2. "Always wait until your hosts have gone to bed before masturbating."

Monday, March 21, 2005

March 23rd:
Op-ed headline: "I Don't Care How Long It Takes, I'm Gonna Figure Out What That 'L' Word Is"
Headline: No One Admits To Fart Joke
Infographic answer: 2nd-from-top, 4th-from-top, 4th-from-bottom
Statshot answer: "Affection or earrings or something"

Friday, March 18, 2005

March 16th:
Irish Heritage Timeline entries:

Monday, March 14, 2005

March 16th:
Article: Neverland Ranch Investigators Discover Corpse Of Real Michael Jackson
Headline: Despite Bad Press, Calorie Industry Projects Record-Breaking Year
Headline: Ten Years Of Life Dedicated To Getting Municipal Pool Not Built (from room brainstorm)
Headline: AARP Blasted As Out Of Touch, Past Its Prime
Op-ed: "Unlock Your Employees' Profit Potential With An Improv-Comedy Workshop!"
Infographic answers: top, 2nd-from-top, 4th-from-bottom, 3rd-from-bottom
WDYT answers: top-left, bottom-right
Statshot answer: "Communion wafers"

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